Forward: To the beginning a book that didn’t get completed.
The pilot in a typical, authoritative voice said we are experiencing mechanical problems we are pulling off onto the tarmac to have the plane checked. I felt the panic rising immediately. I was supposed to catch a connecting flight in Dallas, an airport that was bigger and more menacing than I was used to navigating, especially alone. I was going hoping, to get a new doctor one I respected and had faith in to help save my life.
I always find it interesting that on planes, you are touching your neighbor’s leg or arm at random times albeit inadvertently yet you pretend as you are all alone on the plane and never utter a word except polite civility. Today was different; we were a community of travelers destined now to open our eyes to our neighbors as we uttered statements about our character or situation to one another. My neighbor who I had barely noticed now was saying “I’m glad the pilot is taking extra precautions to keep us all safe” in an expression of cohesive care for her fellow man and respect for the austere pilots judgment, a reflection of her humane character. I, on the other hand, like a Rorschach ink blot waiting to be named a terrible beast or Freud’s best example of a Freudian slip revealing my unconscious fears, I uttered apparently 3 times “I’m glad because I don’t want everybody to die”. We all had awakened from our trance of inconspicuousness so conversing with candor seemed the new norm. She remarked with concern, “do you realize that you have said dead 3 times.” I apologized profusely and in my characteristic way decided to make of leap of faith and speak the truth. I sheepishly told her I was facing death and needed to catch my plane to see my new doctor. The next event was totally unexpected, she looked at me very naturally and candidly stated “there are angels around you, you don’t need to be afraid”.
Now, I believe most people would have thought is she a crack pot or a clairvoyant? But she uttered this simple fact like my young children patients who look into my face and naively say such things as “you are OLD!, I bet your even older than my grandma”. No malice intended, they mean it with respect and a simple proclamation which I find refreshing. Trained in assessment which at this point in my 40+ year career is woven into the fabric of my being, my scientist self came forward and got to know more about her. I checked her story the way I would add up the facts to gauge the presentation of a new patients sense of reality. She was educated in science and had a real life and was neither mentally ill or a scam artist. We had a pleasant conversation and she being much younger than myself, showed me the app that there were other flights I could catch if we didn’t get to Dallas on time, calming my fears. The angels gave me just enough time with her to satisfy my intuitive and scientist selves as the plane was safe and only a piece of luggage had fallen making the peculiar noise that disturbed the pilots keen sense of order . She also took it upon herself to ask the stewardess if the other passengers could wait till I deplaned to catch my connecting flight and they did, the men got down my overhead luggage and I caught my flight with 2 minutes to spare. It was blessing that I could now run and think clear enough to get through the massive airport. And by the way, when I hugged her goodbye and extended to her my thanks she was thin, but no wings were attached to her back. She was a Good Samaritan: the angel in ordinary clothes and in an ordinary job with no visible wings; that our media rarely mentions. This book is dedicated to helping patients find their “angels” when their future seems bleak. Hopefully, serving as a primer, a starting place, for treatment options and how they might serve you and your recovery. The foundation of which is to trust your own mind and body, surrounding yourself with angels both heavenly and human. There are angels all around you.
